Uniquely American


Whom should you call when you need TLC or wanting to be entertained?
Where to place the call when you need a ride?
What to do when you need your little leg (or brain in that matter) to be looked at? Not broken, just thought it’s a good idea to have someone to look at.
Da Police.
Oh ya, I am kidding you not.

I was navigating slowly in the busy supermarket parking lot, because I needed to buy the big bird. Then I heard a sound and a man was limping from behind (of my car) to the sidewalk, felt to the ground.
“You hit me.” He said.
The little pathway there was barely enough for two cars and I was taking up one side. He laid on the side walk.
“Are you ok?” I could not believe that I hit him. Because I saw him and moved slowly passed him.
“You hit me.” He insisted.
I did not know what to do. Passers bys muttered something in disgust. One woman said out loud, “you didn’t hit him.”
People in general are decent and have principles.
Then a man walked over to the passenger side and knocked on the window.
“You didn’t hit him. I’ll be your witness.”
He lights up my sky.
“Can you please waiter for a second, let me go parking?” I did not want to block the road.
I ran back to the fallen hero, first.
“Are you ok?” I fully expected him to be a grown man, a decent soul. Telling me, “Ya, I’m fine, I was just kidding you.”
Instead, he insisted, “You hit me and you left the scene of accident.”
Now, his phrase “you left the scene of accident” got me thinking that he must have some degree of education, hence common sense and dignity.
“No, I did not. I have to park. I was blocking the traffic. If I wanted to leave, why did I run back to you?”
He pointed his finger at the gent who wanted to be my witness.
“He thinks I’m a s*#t.. I’m working here“ he pointed to the gym.
Come on, I apologized, may I go now?
“Do you have twenty dollars?” He asked.
Effectively, he just ended my misery and worry ..
“No I don’t.” I said firmly.
He walked into the building normally where the gym and supermarket are located.
Thanks for giving me this opportunity to leave without any guilt.
I walked toward the gent who’s on phone describing the fallen guy.
“Don’t worry, I’m calling the police. I saw everything.”
He then demonstrated what the guy did by hitting his car by hand.
It sounded exactly like what I heard.
We exchanged names and phones barely before two policemen in two cars arrived.
That was little over 1:30pm.
As on cue, the fallen guy limped out and sat on the same spot of the sidewalk, again.
The police start their routine.
.. ..
I couldn’t resist to take picture.
“Did you see her taking picture?” The fallen guy asked the policeman.
“She can take all she wants.”
.. ..

I have to get my registration and my license. So did my witness Steve who’s an attorney and lives in town. He’s outraged by the fallen guy’s behavior.
Policemen said they couldn’t charge the fallen guy, because he essentially didn’t do anything worth to be putting in jail for.
“Where is your car?” Police Officer Blanshan asked. “Does it have dust on it?”
“Yes!” I knew what he meant.
As we walked closer, I saw the hand print on the side of the car!
I immediately took a pic, with the officer in the reflection.
“You come to this side, it might show better.” He told me. And I did. It did show better.

I got a really good chance to study the supermarket flyer while waiting for the police to finish up their investigation. No one would bring a reading material to supermarket, right? Well, I don’t.

After another prolonged moment, Officer Blanshan told me that he isn’t going to write up an accident report.
.. ..

45 minutes had just wasted.
When I came out of the supermarket armed with a turkey, incredulously I saw an ambulance parking grandly there. Two more police officers in two cars have arrived.
The fallen guy was sitting inside the ambulance, still whining that I left him.
“I can’t believe your guys actually called an ambulance.” I said to them.
“Oh ya, we have to because he demands it.”
“Ok, let me get this right: next time when I get bored, I can pick up the phone and summon you?”
“.. .. that’s right .. ..“
The two new police officers asked for my info all over again.
“Where do you live?” One asked.
“China.” I replied and went on to say that they should learn something from China .. you don’t have to bend backward !!
Thank lord they decided not to arrest me.

Wealth doesn’t buy one’s dignity. I’ve encountered many who’s monetarily poor and rich but conduct himself/herself honorably. This one is not. One needs to respect oneself first.

When I drove out of the parking lot, it’s 2:45pm. All I needed is a turkey. Ended up I’m being the turkey. Ok, full disclosure, I have no idea what is the euphemism for turkey. Just remembered Richard Williams (Venus’ Dad) called that so so eastern European tennis player white turkey after she bumped with Venus. (What the dumb girl was thinking to take on Venus? Boy, no I mean girl, you stood no chance. On and off the court!)

Hey, people, I don’t need this kind of entertainment. I prefer to pay for mine, ok? Stop showering me with these free shows.
Another Hall of Shamer.

What would you do in a situation like this?

2010 Thanksgiving

About The Kibbitzer

bio info .... mmmm ... still working on it ... will add soon ...
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1 Response to Uniquely American

  1. Wow … good story depicting a classic shakedown [scam]!

    I love how you ramble … it reminds me of Henry James [stream of consciousness] … eh?

    Most of Richard Williams’ meanings can be found in the Urban Dictionary:

    turkey – (n) a loser; an uncoordinated, inept, clumsy fool
    a tool; a person who is not in with current culture and slang or is just generally uncool.
    These slang usages of the word “turkey” were mostly used during the late 60’s and 70’s by urban-dwelling blacks.
    See jive turkey

    AND … he didn’t intend it [the word turkey] as a euphemism, I’m sure! (smile)

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