May 02 2008
Parenting
King’s been practicing piano a lot lately without being asked, to my surprise! It’s really the sound of music to my ears :). Yesterday after Lee left, I asked how did the lesson go. "It’s ok." Ou? "Every once in a while I’ll get a boring lesson." I can’t tell. Lee is forever enthusiastic, her voice is lively, no matter it’s the chic party she just went, or her cats are in pain or helping her son to move back home - he just got divorced.
There are lots tension between her and her children, especially the two daughters. She reminds me of Aunt Jenny. Both are stubborn by nature, studied music and teaching it. Both mothers don’t get alone with their children. Jenny to a point that her two children don’t even speak to her. Although Lee did other things while Jenny made her living solely as musician, but Lee is clearly enjoys and loves music. Unfortunately I don’t sense this from Jenny.
As we get older, I find the stubbornness diminishes and flexibility or comprise is on the rise. Especially when it comes to your children: what’s there to fight? Hopefully I wouldn’t have to eat my word in the future since mine are relatively young.
Aunt Jenny has a son Steve who’s six month older than I’m and a daughter Jennifer who’s six month younger than I am. I lived with them on and off for a few years in Beijing in the 70s. Steve’s heir apparent to the violin throne while Jennifer attended music conservatory boarding school, with a mediocre result. Steve got accepted at Juilliard School but attended Northwestern that offered him scholarship. He now lives in Illinois with his wife and two high school sons. Established a violin factory in China and exports them. His wife would call Jenny on the major holidays and invited her to visit them once. Jennifer’s still single, lives in Singapore. She went there because Steve found her a job at Singapore Symphony Orchestra. After few years, she left and now free lance teaching. Aunt Jenny has hoped that they two would live together either in Singapore or Hong Kong. But for some reasons, Jennifer has taken a very harsh view toward her mom, they haven’t spoken for the past decade. Few years ago, she sent back 5 years worth letters to her mom, unopened.
Each family has it own joy/problem that’s unbeknown to others. But I can’t image what Aunt Jenny’s done to deserve such treatment from her own children? I called Jeniffer few times at the urging of Jenny. Her response was very cold as if I was bothering her.
Few years ago, I invited my dad and aunt Jenny, they spent 10 days with us. Jenny has two marriages behind her. During one of our conversations took place in the living room was that she is still actively looking for third, and asked me to help. "Tell him that I’m very refined and high class, youthful .. looking like in my 30s .. .." Lee did mention that she’s young grandma, but 30s? That’s bit beyond repair. I’ve heard similar stories from Xiaoyi, apparently Jenny asked her for doctor b/fs and insisted that she looks no more than 30 years old. I’m not kidding. Whatever happens in the future, I wish everyone the best of luck, myself included, 