Oct 23 2007
A failed attempt?
Foliage brought the late autumn, golden leaves blot out the sky and cover up the ground all around. Most of my babies have died, or about to. Should I shelf the hobby as someone knows her limit or bravely continues on with my endeavor?
My mom found horticulture was very bourgeoisie, which was the wrong thing to be associated with during the last few years of her life. Auntie Wang, one of her best friends had told me this repeatedly that during the height of Culture Revolution, she was sick with doctor’s note to stay home, weeks at length. Wang thought this was the god sent opportunity to stay away from the bloody wind whirled battlefield. “Please stay home .. .. do nothing .. .. I advised her to stay in the city, if you get bored, grow flowers to gush your boredom. She’ll laugh at me for being bourgeoisie.’ Wang would chuckle, ‘grow flowers is silly, bourgeoisie .. no one, there was no one who could stop her from joining the dangerous mess.’ Perhaps she had foresight to know how difficult this would be? Alright, this is a bad joke.
I left Beijing during my freshmen year in high school. Living in the safe heave away from China’s reach (so this isn’t an abductee singing her kidnaper’s praise), everyone has expected me to be the biggest critic of Mao. After all, it’s my mom who died. The only other relative was Donald’s grandma. The wealthy banker’s wife was sent down to the Anhui countryside and denied medication when she caught cold. She soon died of old age, starvation and lack of proper medical care.
I feel that I neither have the rigorous professional training in political science, history, nor the privilege to perch on top of Zhongnanhai or the White House. I never saw the big picture, so I could only reason from the bottom, like fog in a well. Do I condemn Mao? Yes and no. His deed after 1949 should be condemned. But again, politicians are dirtbags, have you seen any dictator would relinquish his power for the good of his country? My tumultuous childhood was affected by my own mom more than Mao, and is affirmed especially after I became a mother. This point of view had deeply furious all my relatives, far and near. So I rarely talk about politics since I hardly know any, and this is one of the taboo topics in social settings anyway.